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Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium – Part 10, Slam the Hammer Down

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“Spoken
Hey you – You up there – Yeah you
Can you hear me? I said, I said can you hear me?
Don’t you listen to me when I’m talking to you?
If you can’t go for it, you can’t go for it good!
And that means you ain’t gonna get away from what you got comin’!

She’s a cool kinda mama – Sure gonna slam the hammer down
When the pistons are pumping – Sure gonna slam the hammer down
Oh when the body starts to shake it’s time to loosen off the brake
And slam it down

Push the pedal to the metal – Sure gonna slam the hammer down
Gonna burn up the rubber – Sure gonna slam the hammer down
The chequered flag won’t make you stop,
You keep on going ’til you drop and slam it down

Keep a moving and motor racing and the wheels go round and round
Oh when you win you’ll be celebrating, ready to slam the hammer on down
Got a flash little chassis
The crowd screams when you slam the hammer down

First, second, third and fourth
Into top and slam the hammer down
You know it’s getting all too much
When you’re letting out the clutch
And slam it down

Keep a moving accelerating
And you’re waiting to face the crowd
Now you’re opening up a wide gap
Ready to slam the hammer on down

Song: Slam the Hammer Down by Slade, 1984 (Condensed and edited for suitability… a lot)
Written by Noddy Holder and Jim Lea
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Tank Duel Scendario 2: Hold the High Ground – Round 5

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“I’ve got a clean shot on the Panther!”

“Fire!”

The Commander braces himself as the SU-100 cannon roars again. He watches as the shot impacts the Panther’s turret and the Panther Commander is blown out of his hatch! “Great shot! Reload!”

Nearly simultaneously, the T-34/76 fires and the PZ IV erupts in a massive explosion! Finally, we’ve dislodged the PZ IV from the hill!

The Commander’s attention is drawn back to the Panther, which despite two hits to the turret and no commander is advancing up the hill! What is it going to take to kill that Panther? We need to flank him!

The replacement T-34/85…. I forgot to give him orders… it’s just sitting there! “T-34/85, I need you to…”

The Commander’s vision blurs, the ringing in his ears threatens to drive him insane. His chest hurts from impacting the cupola, shouts are coming from inside the SU-100 but he can’t quite make them out… “Fire!” … “Give me the fire extinguisher! Hurry!”… “We need to bail out!” “No, it’s not that bad, not yet! I think we can…”

The Commander shakes his head and looks around as his vision clears. They’ve been hit, lower hull, across from the driver. Thankfully no serious injuries but there is a small fire and his crew is panicking though they are trying to put the fire out. We need to do something fast!

Looking at the battlefield he sees that the Stug fired the shot that hit them. The Panther is still on the move, its cannon pointing in his direction… they may stop and fire again! It appears the Stug is starting to move and is going to try and flank them while moving up the hill… they are well coordinated, I can only engage one at a time. I need support!

“Status! Can we move or engage? How bad is the fire?” The Commander knows he only has moments to decide to try and stay in the fight or bail out before the next round impacts…

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Clash of Sovereigns Design Thoughts #1: Some “Big Picture” Canister Shots

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Well, here we are. Clash of Sovereigns is finally emerging from my basement (and Vassal playtest), and (hopefully) on its way to your doorsteps in the next year or so. When all is said and done, it will have taken ten or eleven years from the decision to try to make it (because no one else was doing it! 🙂 ), and seeing it in print. I hope we’ll all be beneficiaries of that long gestation; I know it’s been good for COS.

Me, when I had more hair

I will be writing a series of longer and shorter articles, in irregular order, on COS game system aspects, a comparison to its predecessor, Clash of Monarchs (hereafter, “COM”), each Power’s armies and leaders, their rich card event decks, and whatever else I can decently present to impart about the game. These won’t be comprehensive; I find it hard to get past third gear nowadays, and Real Life and Work are up to my nose this year. Mixed metaphors, century-jumping analogies, and odd references will abound; narrative may occasionally look organized and tangentially brush literary competence (but don’t hold your breath); and make use of below standard literary devices. But these articles will show and tell a lot about COS.

So let’s start with some Big Picture here. (By the way, did you ever see the size of the nail they hang the Big Picture on? 🙂 )

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Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium – Part 9, Start Me Up

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“If you start me up
If you start me up I’ll never stop
I’ve been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I’ll never stop
You make a grown man cry
Spread out the oil, the gasoline
I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine
Start it up
If you start it up
Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got
I can’t compete with the riders in the other heats
If you rough it up
If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up
Don’t make a grown man cry
My eyes dilate, my lips go green
My hands are greasy
She’s a mean, mean machine
Start it up
If start me up
Give it all you got
You got to never, never, never stop
Never, never
Slide it up
You make a grown man cry
Ride like the wind at double speed
I’ll take you places that you’ve never, never seen
Start it up
Love the day when we will never stop, never stop
Never stop, never stop
Tough me up
Never stop, never stop, never stop
You, you, you make a grown man cry”

Song: Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones, 1981 (Condensed and edited for suitability)
Written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
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Tank Duel Scenario 2: Hold the High Ground – Round 4

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The Commander’s heart rate quickens as he watches the Panther’s long gun barrel rotate past him and settle in on the T-34/85 on the hill. Unable to line up a shot on the Panther in time, he can only hope that the T-34/85 realizes the danger and moves, but they are too focused in on the PZ IV. The ground shakes as the Panther’s gun erupts in flame and smoke. The shot flies flat and hits the T-34/85 in its tracks. Smoke drifts out of the front hull from the impact. 

“Status T-34/85?”

“AD is KIA, we are on fire! Get that fire out before we burn up! Hurry! Hurry!”

From the front, the Stug and the PZ IV open up and two more rounds impact the T-34/85 nearly simultaneously! One appears to bounce off, while the other penetrates the hull.

“Get out of there!” The Commander shouts into his radio, though the words are hardly out of his mouth when he sees most of the crew bail out of the T-34/85 and take cover in the woods. Amazingly the T-34/85 doesn’t explode or erupt into flames, but it is out of the fight. Not good, we have lost 2 tanks already!

His SU-100 rocks backwards as the 100mm cannon fires – we finally have the Panther in sight! He watches the round hit the Panther in the turret! It appears the Panther Commander slumps over in his hatch but he’s still moving. Other than that he doesn’t see any other damage – “Reload, Fire!”

The air around him crackles and rumbles as a round roars past him – the T-34/76 behind him opens up and hits the PZ IV in the turret! Fire breaks out and the commander appears to be wounded… Finally, we inflict some damage! Hopefully that will knock the PZ IV out of the fight and off that hill.

“Where do you want us to go?” comes over the radio – another T-34/85 is joining the fight! The Commander thinks for a moment as he assesses the situation, trying to decide the best place for the new tank entering battle…

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Manoeuvre: Distant Lands Tournament Part 1 of 4: Sweden vs. Qing Dynasty

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As promised, here is the first article in the follow-up series to the Manoeuvre tournament I wrote a few months ago. I’m back now with the Distant Lands expansion, and I will pit those armies against each other in a series of elimination battles with the winner moving on to fight the French army (the champion of the base Manoeuvre tournament). 

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The Gandhi Chronicles Issue #4: Playing the British Raj in Gandhi — Operations and Special Activities

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The Raj Faction in Gandhi will feel familiar for those who have played any of the 20th century COIN games. Like many Government Factions, its forces are represented by two types of cubes; it has a limited budget to spend on its Operations; and it seeks Control over the populace as one of its victory goals. But like the Coalition in A Distant Plain or the U.S. in Fire in the Lake, the Raj also has forces that Operate for free as its seeks to build Support for the colonial government.

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Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium – Part 8, Ready to Explode

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Commentator:
Hello and welcome to what looks like being a very exciting race today
Among the top drivers are Noddy Holder of the Brahms and Lizst Cup
His team mate is one of Britain’s wildest fellows, James Lea. Let’s hope his accident record can be overcome today. And now, just coming down the straight in the all familiar black and gold colours, Dave Hill, one of motor racing’s true Super Yob’s. His team mate is Don Powell. And my goodness me from where I’m sitting it looks as though they’re ready to explode!

Driver:
Sitting here in my mean machine – I’m ready to explode
Looking out of my helmet at the faces
I been wondering all night long, if I will live or die…yeah
It’s always the same before the races

Commentator:
I got some hot line information about the man who’s occupation
Is driving the cars. Standing out there on the grid
And it’s a kind of fascination and it demands full concentration
The kind of a job we all dreamed of as a kid

Driver:
I can see on the track ahead, the heat is rising high
Gotta win for the team and it’s never easy
I been feeling the butterflies, strapped into my seat…yeah
And already the tension’s getting to me

Commentator:
We’re waiting in anticipation for some official indication
They’re ready to go. Revving up and hit the road
Cos it’s another big occasion and there won’t be no relaxation
They’re ready to go and they’re Ready to Explode

Driver:
You’re gonna drive ’em round the bend
Have a go on the chicane
Gonna drive ’em round the bend
Without a warning…
Ready now to explode

Commentator:
And now the cars are on the grid and it looks like today’s conditions
Couldn’t be better for a great race. We’re just waiting for the starter
Mister Slade to give the O.K. There goes the green light and they’re off!

Who’s gonna be the big sensation. Who’ll be the champion of the nation
In one of them cars standing out there on the grid
He’s gonna get a big ovation. Be the champion of the nation
The kind of a thrill we all dreamed of as a kid

I don’t wanna break down and I wanna explode
Don’t lemme break down, don’t lemme break down
Don’t lemme break down
I wanna explode – I wanna explode – I wanna explode – I wanna explode

Driver:
Ever since I was just thirteen I had a crazy reoccurring dream
To be faster than the speed of sound
It was the only way to get around…oh yeah
Speeding in my dreams – Speeding in my dreams
Seventeen and I passed my test, never settling for second best
I knew right away what I’d like – It was a 750 motorbike…oh yeah
Speeding in my dreams – Speeding in my dreams
Oh yeah…Oh yeah…Oh yeah
I was living for speed
L..L..L..Living for speed
I was living for
I was living for speed…
Explode…explode….

Song: Ready to Explode by Slade, 1984
Written by Noddy Holder and Jim Lea