Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium – Part 9, Start Me Up

“If you start me up
If you start me up I’ll never stop
I’ve been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I’ll never stop
You make a grown man cry
Spread out the oil, the gasoline
I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine
Start it up
If you start it up
Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got
I can’t compete with the riders in the other heats
If you rough it up
If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up
Don’t make a grown man cry
My eyes dilate, my lips go green
My hands are greasy
She’s a mean, mean machine
Start it up
If start me up
Give it all you got
You got to never, never, never stop
Never, never
Slide it up
You make a grown man cry
Ride like the wind at double speed
I’ll take you places that you’ve never, never seen
Start it up
Love the day when we will never stop, never stop
Never stop, never stop
Tough me up
Never stop, never stop, never stop
You, you, you make a grown man cry”

Song: Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones, 1981 (Condensed and edited for suitability)
Written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

I will not be replaying every single play on every single turn of the replay. After all, that’s forty card plays per turn that I would have to recap. While each of those is indeed a decision-making process and important to the game, they become so much spaghetti thrown on a written page. Instead what I will try to do is hit the key highlights of each turn somewhat as if I was giving a running commentary to the race and hopefully some type of positional graphic at the end of each turn. If you see that reflected below, I managed to do it. If you don’t, well, I guess I failed.

The tone of the race was set early when Laura Zyeraa of the Deadbeats raked the Fist’s Blinks with her auto-cannon causing severe damage to the APB car before they had even cleared the starting grid. Shortly thereafter, Ewen “40612” Lesouef rammed the Mountaineers Lob Jammer and flipped him, eliminating him from the race. Back in the pack Teresa “The Dominator” White’s transmission has begun to fail her and she is beginning to bleed off speed to the leaders. At about the same time, still less than 10 laps into the race, Thor from the Hazleton mountaineers has developed a small fuel leak.

The first five cars to reach the finish line and thus gain 1 point are:

  • 624 – The Fist – Jack “The Jackhammer” Brennan (started in row 1)
  • 08 – Big Damn Heroes – Gemma “Pinkthunder” Powell
  • 01L – Baguette Bakers – Oil Can Charlie
  • 98 – Scurvy Dogs – Mary Read
  • OLE – Archmage Engines – Ole Tubli

Just a note, much like Thunder Alley and Grand Prix, laps are abstracted and it is assumed that a certain amount of laps occur every time the cars are moved. The notion that cars receive a point for crossing the finish line is roughly akin to saying that 5 or 10 or 20 laps have really happened by the time the cars cross the finish line.

Back to the action, Canner Rock from the Gelato Division notched a glancing blow with a missile on Blinks. Due to the savage mauling he took early on, the missile dislodged the rear axle and sent the driver from the Fist into the wall and out of the race.

Another group of cars completed lap 10 after the destruction of Blinks, these include:

  • AWC – Gelato Division – Andrew “High-Voltage” Current
  • 39 – X-treme Hazard – Luther Albatros
  • 777 – Ghost Reapers – Federico “Vetinari” Galeotti
  • H23 – Baguette Bakers – Mangle Williams
  • 90 – Scurvy Dogs – Dirk “Road Rash” Rhodes
  • 806 – Hazleton Mountaineers – Thor, nursing his fuel leak.
  • Z3 – Archmage Engines – Gid Zornes
  • SPT – Baguette Bakers – Sean P. Tompkins
  • CRS – Gelato Division – Cannen Rock, his second point, he was sitting on 1 point for blowing Blinks off the track.

With the track getting somewhat sloppy and full of cars spreading out into packs, it was The Fist’s “Kitchen Sink” Mc Kinney that was able to take advantage of the close-quarters racing by bumping the rear quarter panel on Emma “Bear” DeBaz from Big Damn Heroes and sending her out of control and over the embankment followed by an end over end flip, eliminating that hero from the race. Shortly thereafter, while being forced to slow down to weave through the wreckage, Moxie “Moxer” Murdock gained the edge on “Dangerous” Derek Ciamell and forced him into the smoking remains of the APB car. The resulting impact completely dislodging the motor mounts and sending Derek to the showers. All of the traffic in the dirt portion then took its first casualty. Gabriel “The Monster” Brooks bounced out of the deep ruts tried to cut back in snapping his struts like toothpicks causing the car to roll, the damage made worse by some nasty fifty caliber ventilation to the front end suffered earlier in the race.

After the flurry of destruction, a handful more cars reached lap 1, including:

  • 36 – X-treme Hazard – Alice Beck
  • J16 – X-Treme Hazard – Omzig “Mutant Boy” Bocaj
  • 044 – Big Damn Heroes – Andy Powell
  • MDB – Scurvy Dogs – Mad Dash Cash

Shortly thereafter a second wave of cars zoomed across their first lap:

  • DM – Archmage Engines – Cassie “Dirty” Murray
  • 67 – The Fist – Francois “Gentil” Petitclerc
  • 1 – Big Damn Heroes – Agincourt Charlie
  • 4 – Ghost Reapers – Ewen “40612” Lesouef

Another 7 drivers completed their 2nd.

  • 98 – Scurvy Dogs – Mary Read
  • OLE – Archmage Engines – Ole Tubli
  • AWC – Gelato Division – Andrew “High-Voltage” Current
  • 624 – The Fist – Jack “The Jackhammer” Brennan
  • 08 – Big Damn Heroes – Gemma “Pinkthunder” Powell
  • 90 – Scurvy Dogs – Dirk “Road Rash” Rhodes
  • 01L – Baguette Bakers – Oil Can Charlie

With engines opened up to full throttle and sensing that the racing may be taking precedence over shooting, the speeds through the dirt section became untenable. The catastrophic result was Stina from the Deadbeats T-boning Andy Powel from the Big Damn heroes so hard his car completed 6 rolls and came to rest on the roof. Within one lap, Austin Van De Weerd of the Ghost Reapers had placed a precise machine gun burst into the already damaged front end of The Fist’s “Kitchen Sink” Mc Kinney and ending her day. Mc Kinney’s dying car created all sorts of havoc and resulted in Sargon “The Winged Bull” Ashur plowing into her and ending up sliding down the backstretch on his side, giving him the rest of the day off too.

A handful of cars crossed the finish line again before the end of the first turn:

  • 121 – Deadbeats – Teresa “The Dominator” White
  • 888 – X-treme Hazard – Francis “Killer” Lalumiere
  • SPT – Baguette Bakers – Sean P. Tompkins (2nd
  • CRS – Gelato Division – Cannen Rock (2nd)
  • 39 – X-treme Hazard – Luther Albatros (2nd)
  • P00 – Scurvy Dogs – “Poo”

Cars eliminated on turn 1 = 8

Team Scores at conclusion of turn 1:

  • 7 = Baguette Bakers
  • 6 = Scurvy Dogs
  • 5 = Archmage Engines, Ghost Reapers, Gelato Division, X-treme Hazard
  • 4 = Big Damn Heroes, The Fist
  • 3 = Deadbeats
  • 1 = Hazleton Mountaineers

New cars into the chute for next turn are:

  • Hazleton Mountaineers – 60c – Tricia “C” Mahaffey
  • The Fist – 138 – “Flawless”
  • Big Damn Heroes – Q – Hoban Serra
  • Hazleton Mountaineers – Z88 – Zach “Dash” Dashall
  • Deadbeats – 25 – Arender
  • Big Damn Heroes – 28 – Kaylee Washburne
  • The Fist – 75w – Nickie “Irish Lass” Kilpatrick
  • Archmage Engines – 77 – Dom Spillner

Stay tuned for turn 2, coming next week.

There are many driver spots still available. If you are so inclined, for $20 you receive the following benefit.

  • Driver Naming Rights allowing you to name one driver and assign that driver a 1 to 3 digit ID.

If you would like to sponsor the white/gray, pink, light green or green team for $100 you would receive the following benefits.

  • Naming Rights including Team Name, Owner Name, Team Location, Team Color and Logo Input.
  • Driver Naming Rights allowing you to Name one driver and assign that driver a 1 to 3 digit ID.

If this interests you, please contact Jeff Horger at jagrcz68@aol.com and we can get the ball rolling. There are still also drivers available on many teams. Carla & I are happy to help all of you that want to be a part of the Thunderverse to get on to a team.

If you just want to play the game, we need your votes with your wallet on the GMT P500 right now. We’ve made the cut and sit at 519 orders right now, but there is absolutely no reason to not get your game reserved early. If you back it now the discount is pretty substantial ($72 down to $49) so now is the time to get in on the deal. https://www.gmtgames.com/p-623-apocalypse-road.aspx


Previous Article in this Series: Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium — Part 8

Next Article in this Series: Apocalypse Road: The Essendarium – Part 10, Slam the Hammer Down

Jeff Horger
Author: Jeff Horger

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